31 Days of Marriage Guest Series: Love is Not Self-Seeking

Joining us today, as we talk about marriage this month, is Dana Herndon. Dana’s topic is a doozie… love is not self-seeking. She talks about the difficulty of putting your husband before yourself in the evenings after having putting everyone else before yourself during the day. Ouch. This one hurt. When you’re done, check out her blog at danaherndon.com!

I roll over with a groan and silence my alarm in the early hours of the morning, begrudgingly dragging myself out of bed to drag everyone else out of bed. I get myself ready in between finding clothes and book bags, helping with hairstyles, and reminding everyone to brush their teeth. I rush everyone out the door to school and work. After a long day of work I come home to meet buses, work on homework, divvy out afternoon snacks, get ready for any evening activities, and rush everyone out the door for baseball, basketball, softball, or whatever else is on the schedule. At some point dinner needs to be made, some laundry will hopefully be done, and then I will fall into bed exhausted. Not a minute to spare for anyone else.

Does this sound familiar?

Not a minute of time for anyone else. Not even the person you vowed to love, honor, and cherish for your whole life?

Nope. Not even him.

This can happen to all of us at times. The busyness of everyday life gets in between you and your spouse, leaving you nothing left to give at the end of the day.

I know it is so easy to make everything about ourselves. I am so tired. I worked hard today. I deserve time to do what I want to do. While these may be true statements, they may not be helpful statements.

Yes, “me time” is absolutely necessary. You have to refill to be able to give out. But if we get to the point where we are all about “me,” our relationships will suffer.

There are many reasons we become self-centered.

Maybe we just don’t want to make the effort to think of someone else sometimes.

Maybe we think our spouse should be the one to show us some attention, or they should be putting us first. While that is a valid point, we can only control our own actions. So a better approach might be for us to focus on what we can do for our spouse instead of what they are not doing for us.

We need listen to what the Bible tells us about love: It is not self-seeking.

You love your spouse. Put aside yourself and show him.

We all love to hear heartwarming stories about connections made between strangers. About how a smile, a helping hand, or just knowing that someone cared made such a difference to them. How it changed their day for the better. Sometimes it changes their lives for the better. Imagine that scenario in your own home. Imagine the difference a kind gesture can make to your own spouse.

I know, I know! Home is where you can be yourself and be grumpy and throw a pity party if you want to. But sometimes we can forget to be kind in our own home, or we can become so consumed with self, that we forget to be concerned with the ones who mean the most to us.

I am challenging myself to be more kind in my own home. I hope you will join me. I want to find at least one way each day to put my husband before me. I want to follow the Lord’s guidance on love. I know I will be blessed by following where the Lord leads and loving others more than myself.


Dana Herndon is a writer and blogger as well as a middle school teacher. She and her husband live in Georgia with their three children. In addition to teaching and writing, Dana loves to spend time with her family, read, watch Food Network and HGTV, and paddle board. She blogs at danaherndon.com.



4 thoughts on “31 Days of Marriage Guest Series: Love is Not Self-Seeking

  1. I felt like Dana was in my head! Thank you Jordan for this series – it’s been a great, albeit convicting, way to start the year.

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