For some background on where this is coming from, START HERE.
With that being said…
Moms, I need your help.
Upon my disheveled arrival, I found Mommy Land to be somewhat terrifying, like I showed up to a party devoid of any battery-operated entertainment yet full of mean girls serving cardboard food. Due to the invasion of social media, there is a palpable tension between mothers. There are the debates: disposable diapers or cloth, organic food or poison, breast milk or … poison. There are the Pinterest pressures: craft elaborate animals out of your two-year-old’s lunch, spray five dollar bills with magic tooth fairy dust, throw extravagant birthday parties that cost more than a small car. And if your children ever watch TV, they’ll definitely end up in all the remedial classes in school.
Remember this blog I posted a while back about my personal failures as a mother? Remember how we all laughed at each other’s ridiculous stories and realized how totally messed up we all are? Remember how we also realized that it’s okay because our kids are alive and loved really, really well? We all make mistakes, but we’re scared to admit them because of the rain of judgment that we’re sure is to follow. Or worse, the fear that everyone else actually is doing a much better job.
To that end, I have a project for us. We need to laugh at ourselves. So let’s write a book. This book is going to be a celebration of our screwed-upness and a reiteration that screwed-upness can create some really fantastic memories. And because I KNOW I’m not the only screwed up one (please tell me I’m not), I need your screwy stories.
There are several different things I’m looking for…
I want short posts (like the little moments from the original countdown), long stories (like this one that would take up a whole chapter), and even Instagram photos that truly capture the hilarity of flawed parenting in a photograph. They will all be compiled into a book, tentatively titled The Mommy Confessions: A Hilarious Collection of Real Fails by Real Moms.
Here’s how this will work.
– The short posts can be submitted via Twitter or Facebook:
1. Follow @mommyfail_ on Twitter and/or like “A Bushel and a Peck” Facebook page.
2. Post your funny moment on your Twitter or Facebook status and hashtag the story #mommyfailbook.
3. Tag me in the post (@mommyfail_ on twitter OR tag the Facebook page).
4. OR just post it directly to the page’s wall (this gives me easier access to it because Facebook is weird about their hashtag system)
– The longer stories can be submitted via email to email@example.com.
Please don’t stress about the writing if you’re not a strong writer. My job is to stress about the writing … haha. You just need to give me the bones of the story. Think of it like an interview.
– Pictures can be submitted via Instagram by using the hashtag #mommyfailbook.
No nudity please :).
Before you share, here are some details:
– Please don’t hate me if I don’t choose your story. (Am I too much of a people pleaser? Why do I feel the need to say that?)
– We’re going for comedy here. I’m not wanting to highlight irresponsible parenting practices, but funny, ironic, or just plain ridiculous moments.
– I reserve the right to revise and even rewrite your story (I promise to retain all your integrity — haha — I just want to ensure that it properly highlights all your life’s wonder and excitement).
– If I revise or rewrite any submissions, I will not publish or post anything without getting your approval first.
– Everything needs to be clean. This is a G-rated book.
– I will not use children’s names unless given permission. However, I feel like wanting anonymity for yourself is kind of counter to the purpose of this book. Let’s claim our blunders, loud and proud.
– Excerpts of your stories may be used on the blog.
– If your submission is chosen for the book, I will send you an email detailing what exactly that means for you.
I’m hoping this book will serve as a source of encouragement for mothers, assuring them that no mom has it all figured out, and those that claim to aren’t very fun to be around. We should be here to fight FOR each other, not against each other. Motherhood is hard enough without added pressures from our very own.
Lastly, please share this with your mommy friends!! Obviously, without any stories, this won’t really work.
Here’s to laughing at our fails instead of crying. Let’s all give a virtual fist pump in the name of Mommy Solidarity!