Marriage, Submissive, Wife, Husband, Control, God, Faith

My Need for Control Was Killing My Marriage (And My Faith)

I’m just overwhelmed, I finally squeak out. Clark and I got into a fight last night. About floors. I don’t think we can afford new floors in the new house, but he thinks we can. And watching our savings account disappear makes me feel all kinds of out of control. I like having a cushion. I think it’s an irresponsible decision, and all I want right now is to feel stable. In case you haven’t noticed, I am feeling unstable.

I laugh, but it comes out more like a bark. I make a mental note to google “How to Cry Adorably” when I get home.

We talk for a while. They ask questions and hold my hand. They pray over me. And then they give me the best marriage advice I’ve ever received.

husband wife marriage rut children needy

Dear Husband: A Note From Your Newly Needy Wife

That confident, independent woman-child told you things like, “I don’t like romance,” and, “Please don’t get me flowers. They’re such a waste of money,” and, “If you EVER (insert cheesy gesture here), I will run the other way.” I wanted you to know that you weren’t getting involved with one of those “needy” girls.

Flash forward to today. Ten years later.

Love always hopes and perseveres

31 Days of Marriage Guest Series: Love Always Perseveres

We fight depression and “man” colds, job losses and panic attacks, miscarriage and grief, sinus infections and the stomach flu. Together. We battle insurance claims, broken pipes, family caregiving, moving and childrearing. Together.

Even when both of us are feeling selfish. Even when both of us are feeling exhausted. Even when both of us want to throw in the towel, lift up our hands and cry out to God in agony, “We surrender.”

31 Day of Marriage Guest Series: Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs

After a fight in that first year (of which I have no recollection what it was about), my husband said something to me that made me stop and think — and changed the trajectory of our marriage.

He said, “I need you to stop nit-picking. If something bothers you, I need you to ask yourself if it is going to bother you tomorrow, or next week, or in a month. If you still think it is something that is going to bother you – say something. If it is not, let it go.”

Let it go.

31 Days of Marriage Guest Series: Love is Not Easily Angered

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the theme of love in 1 Corinthians 13 is placed between chapters about using our spiritual gifts in service to one another and worshiping our Creator.

The kind of love that is sandwiched between service and worship and bound up in love. This kind of love “is not easily angered.” – 1 Corinthians 13:5

31 Days of Marriage Guest Series: Love Does Not Dishonor Others

Hurtful phrases often begin with two words: “You never…” or “You always…” or “You are…”. Hearing those declarations made about you long enough, one begins to believe… “I always” and “I am”. When you find yourself defeated, you give up — on yourself, each other, and your marriage.

31 Days of Marriage Guest Series: Love is Not Self-Seeking

Maybe we think our spouse should be the one to show us some attention, or they should be putting us first. While that is a valid point, we can only control our own actions. So a better approach might be for us to focus on what we can do for our spouse instead of what they are not doing for us.

We need listen to what the Bible tells us about love: It is not self-seeking.

You love your spouse. Put aside yourself and show him.