One of the greatest joys in my life is to be married to an idiot.
And I mean that in the most endearing way possible. I mean that my man-child husband, Clark, doesn’t take life too seriously. He is goofy, silly, ridiculous, AND not annoying at all (which is the most impressive thing about it). He couldn’t care less what other people think, which I consider a sign of humility. He doesn’t think he’s too cool or too old to be dumb. And I hope that our children are exactly like that.
With that being said, Clark made a bet with his friend, Darian, last week that he could run a 200 m dash in less than 25 seconds. Darian runs track for ACU and played football with Clark back in the day when we were somewhat athletic. Clark had asked Darian how his track meet had gone that weekend. D explained that it had gone horribly and he had not run well at all. “I ran my 200 in 22 seconds… which is awful,” he said. To which Clark jokingly replied, “Jeez, D, I could do that.” Then, the testosterone kicks in, completely clouds everyone’s judgment, and before you know it, we’re walking out into the church parking lot with an upcoming race.
Here’s the thing about Clark… he hates to run. When I would have to run in college, he would ride beside me on a bike. He’s in good shape, but not good cardio shape. He hasn’t sprinted in a couple of years except to race my 5-year-old niece in our front yard from the bird bath to the tree. The odds were not in his favor. I tried to explain to him that 200 m is a pretty long way… I realize that 200 m in high school seemed pretty short, but 200 m in fatherhood is like sprinting a marathon. I also reminded him of his whiteness and that these things just don’t come as natural to our kind.
He was not discouraged, though. And so…. a week later… the race was upon us…
They agreed that Clark would get to a) wear an ACU track onesie (awesome), b) wear spikes, and c) have a rabbit for the last 50 meters. His fast friend Drew graciously volunteered for that job.
And here, without further ado, to abate your ever-rising anxieties, is “Clark’s 200 M Dash” :
( *Also, please note how, even with a hefty head start, Clark totally destroys the guy in Lane 1* )
The race was a success all around. I think Darian was even kinda happy he lost the bet.. what a friend. There were a few spectators present, including Reese and Ellie. But Reese was more concerned with Clark’s “tight outfit” and keeping Ellie from climbing on to the pole vaulting mat with her. Ellie was more concerned with taking all her clothes off. Everyone else enjoyed the spectacle. If not for any other reason, than just to watch Clark run in the “tight outfit.”
Clark’s first words when we got into the truck were, “I thought my legs were going to die. I didn’t think I was going to make it.” But you did. And you got a free lunch out of it. What a monumental victory for the family.